When Female Officers Narrated Thier Ordeals.

 

Background:

 Ordinarily, the dream of every human being is to get  a job that can put food on his or her table  like that of the military ( Navy, Air force, Soldier). Yes, they are well paying jobs that give them the opportunity to grow in rank and affluence. For men, it is a very sweet job as it gives them the opportunity to choose the best women in the society both at the circular world and even in the military. But for the women among them, the reverse is the case as these females are subtly subjected to all manner of restriction which has made it very difficult for many of them to meet their life partners.

In fact, the life of a military woman is that of a straight forward road, no corner, corner. From office to home, home back to office.  No mixing up with the outside world, no bloody civilian comes close. Sometimes if a bloody civilian is seen around a military woman who has been taken by her male counterpart, the bloody civilian will be in trouble.

Although according to some of them spoken to said it has helped them to make some achievements but they regretted that it has ruined their marriages and relationships. 

Female Personnel Share Their Experiences:

One of them who didn’t want her name mentioned for fear of victimization narrated how her relationship of one year which should have culminated into marriage slept off her fingers because of the nature of her job.

 She disclosed” I just lost a relationship that was almost leading to marriage because of the nature of the job and the perception of civilians out there concerning the molarity women. 

” I was hoping to get married to this my close friend until I was told that he has gotten married to another person. He even got married in the court in December and did his church wedding in February. And by January, he was still discussing with me as if all is well. He didn’t tell me that he was going to marry me but from all indications, the relationship was moving towards that direction.

“It was a long distance relationship. I have not visited him because of the nature of my job but we talk more on the phone except when he comes to Abuja but that was the idea of the relationship. I don’t know what happened, we had some issues in October and we reconciled  when I tried to beg him.

She continued” Nobody is saying that every relationship must end in marriage but at least he should have told me. After the marriage with his woman, he now came back. It’s like when had the issue, he used the opportunity to get married. You have gotten married and you want us to reconcile again even though he doesn’t take anything from me because he is financially ok. And he is a civilian.  

“We were even planning for him to come to Abuja so that when he comes, we will be discussing about our marriage. He was even once in Jos and I planned to go and visit him there but he gave all manner of excuses only for me to see pictures on social media that he has gotten married. 

“I stylishly asked his friend that they didn’t invite me to come and eat rice in the wedding and he told me that of his friend wanted me to be there, he would have invited me. That was how he opened up to me that he did court marriage in December and white wedding in February and we are still talking as if nothing happened. I’m just waiting for him to come so that I will look at him on the face and ask him why he should waste my time for one year.

“Where will I start from again and age is no longer on my side. I don’t socialize, I don’t go out. Will I now go and start finding all these chewing gum boys? Nobody understands what I’m going through, I just come out and laugh. She lamented.

Another who also chose to remain anonymous however confessed that the Nigerian Navy has impacted positively in her life even though she lost her marriage to the job.

 She said” The navy work is good. It has really helped me a lot because when I was in difficulty, that was when I joined the navy and I have never regretted coming into the navy. It has really helped me in terms having that idea of struggling for myself and being there for my children.

 

“It was not difficult for me to get a spouse because he was  looking at it that if a woman can do this, why can’t men do more  and my parents too also appreciated me coming into the navy because they believe that it is not  a  job that a woman can do. 

“There is no kind of limitation aside the difference between the officers sand ranks. Most of the times, they don’t take the women on operation because of some exigencies like health issues. May be when a woman wants to change something like pad, she won’t see where to do that because of the kind of boats they use. 

“The area that is not too good in the service is in the area of balancing the work with family. It keeps you separated from your husband especially those of us that are married to civilians. It is not a good experience. It was initially going on smoothly but when I said let face the house squarely, it was though. In short it led to my separation. It was then my husband told me  to either take the navy work or the marriage and it happened.

 “He was a traditional man and a politician. So I made him to understand that as a politician I can’t be part of it because he wanted me to resign and join him fully but I said no. He said that I should be doing this women leader thing and I told him that I can’t do that as far as I’m still in the military. From there, we started having problem and he said I should resign and I said no, from there, I decided to face my job.

 “We were together before I joined the navy. He was not even aware that I was joining the navy, he supported me initially but when I wasn’t available for him coupled with my numerous postings, I allowed him to go. But were still together before he died but I told him to marry whoever he wants to marry. 

“I didn’t re-marry, I decided to face my children. No other man can allow me to take care of the ones I have. Men are somehow, if you are coming with children, they believe that you are coming with a burden. So I decided to stay alone and take care of my children. 

 She said “The ones that are married to fellow personnel, it is more easier because they are married to themselves and  they understand the job but the entire navy should draft the postings in such a way that if the man is  in Port Harcourt, the wife should be posted to Port Harcourt. If they can do it that way, it will be better. The current method is not working for now because families are still being separated. 

Civilians Express Their Fears:

Alambo Gideon speaking on the reason behind civilian’s rejection of the female officers said “No man wants to be humiliated. Men are afraid of them because their higher officers are dating them and if they catch you with the girls, you are gone. I was a victim in the barrack and I had to escape.

 Also Mike Tambo said the issue is not synonymous to only the female officers. 

“Apart from uniform ladies, once a lady reaches PhD level and she is not yet married, it is very difficult for her to get married. Even most of the journalists, it is very difficult for them to get married because men have got the perception that they are going around to meet big men. If people see all those women, they will think that men have already grabbed them. But they are not with anybody.

Green Nwoke said   that the male military men are very wicked and they don’t allow civilians to come close to the females.

“Somebody dated a soldier lady and three other soldier men gathered and tortured him. He was slapped severely and they were telling him to be smiling as they were slapping him.

“Let them make themselves available. Let them be lively and jovial. If you see  those girls on the road, only their facial expression will drive you away, if they notice that you are a civilian, the way they will even talk to you will scare you away. 

“They call us bloody civilians. Just try and go close to any of them, if their men catch you, they will deliberately look for your trouble so that they will humiliate you.    

  But Samuel Gbalimori in his reaction said “They are like any other woman but because of the nature of their work, no man wants to go close to them not because of anything. The truth of the matter is that the women are fee so long as they are not married. 

“I lived in the barracks, so long as you are their boyfriend, you are at liberty to visit them. Nobody will disturb you. But some of them don’t have manners. That is the truth, they are so arrogant, and some are even sadists.